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☕️ GM Munchers! The trade war’s going so well the US is now exporting Popes — tariff-free.

On today’s menu:

• 📈 Trump Says Buy, Markets Rip

• 😢 Bitcoin Flies, But Coinbase Gets Left Behind

• 🤑 He Made $64,000 Betting On The Pope

• 🇺🇲 US layoffs Are Skyrocketing

• ❌ The Celsius CEO Goes To Jail

Yesterday’s numbers:

BREAKING NEWS

📈 Trump Says Buy, Markets Rip

Well traders, it’s happening.

Charts are popping, headlines are flashing green, and our intern wants a raise to ape into memecoins.

Here’s why the markets are heating up — and why you better pay attention before you become the guy in Discord asking, “Is it too late to buy?” at the top.

🇺🇸🤝🇬🇧 UK-US Trade Deal: Rolls, Beef & Tariffs

Trump and UK PM Starmer decided Americans need crumpets, Bentleys, and bragging rights — so they signed a shiny new trade deal.

We’re talking $5 billion in new US export opportunities — beef, ethanol, and yes, a Rolls-Royce and Bentley tariff exemption (because clearly, traders needed one more way to blow their payouts besides maxing out on monitors).

The deal holds a 10% blanket tariff on UK imports but streamlines customs and opens doors for US aerospace and pharma.

Our take? The US probably walked away with the better deal — but hey, we’ll let you call it.

💷 Bank of England’s “Hawkish” Rate Cut Burns Traders

The Bank of England cut rates by 25 bps to 4.25%, but don’t call it dovish — two members voted to hold steady, turning it into what’s being dubbed a hawkish cut.

The result? GBP/USD surged to 1.33, back at September highs.

If you were short the pound today because “muh rate cuts,” you got smoked.

This is why following headlines matters. Normally, a rate cut would be bearish for the Pound but with the BOE’s split vote, it sent a bullish signal to GBP traders, and the market ate it up.

Lesson: your Lambo guru isn’t telling you this because he’s too busy selling you Fibonacci PDFs.

📈 Trump Says “Buy Stocks” — Markets Obey

At the Oval Office, Trump basically told investors to “buy the dip” — and Wall Street did not need to hear that twice.

• Dow up 0.62%

• S&P 500 +0.58%

• Nasdaq +1.07%

Tech stocks, especially chipmakers, ripped higher, helped by optimism around US-China talks and eased AI export restrictions. The VIX even fell over 4%, signaling traders are shaking off risk-off anxiety.

The TL;DR? Sentiment has flipped fully risk-on, and traders are piling in.

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CRYPTO

😢 Bitcoin Flies, But Coinbase Gets Left Behind

Bitcoin just ripped back above $103,000, sitting close to the all-time high of $108,000— but Coinbase shareholders? They’re crying into their cold wallets.

Here’s why the crypto poster child is mooning while Coinbase tanks:

💥 Bitcoin Boom: BTC plunged to $75K just a month ago, but like a gym bro fresh off a breakup, it’s roaring back — fueled by big inflows and traders piling into risk assets.

📉 Coinbase Faceplant: Despite the crypto rally, Coinbase reported brutal Q1 numbers:

• Revenue: $2.03B vs. $2.2B expected

• EPS: $0.24 vs. $2.09 forecast

• Consumer trading volume: -17%

• Institutional volume: -9%

Translation? Even with Bitcoin popping champagne, Coinbase missed the party. Investors were spooked by weak trading volumes, a big EPS miss, and a 3.34% after-hours stock drop sealed the mood.

🚀 Why It Matters:

Traders ran to Bitcoin, but they’re not trading it enough on Coinbase. Regulatory fears (thanks, tariffs), shaky volumes, and disappointing guidance all hit the exchange hard.

Bonus: Coinbase also announced a $2.9B acquisition of Dubai-based Deribit, betting big on crypto derivatives to boost global reach.

🔑 Lesson? It’s cool if you don’t trade stocks or crypto. But you 100% need to be following it to know where risk sentiment is at.

SUCCESS STORIES

🤑 He Made $64,000 Betting On The Pope

Most traders focus on GBPJPY or EURUSD. Then you’ve got the gold bugs, and even the oddball tracking corn futures.

But turns out we’ve all been sleeping — because one trader on Polymarket, username JustPunched, just turned a $1,000 bet into $64,000 by correctly predicting the next Pope.

Robert Francis Prevost entered the race with just a 1% implied chance, but when the white smoke appeared, it wasn’t just the Vatican celebrating — it was JustPunched cashing in a 6,000% gain.

And this isn’t a one-off.

This legend’s portfolio includes bets on everything from Trump tariffs to NBA MVPs.

The takeaway? There’s money to be made everywhere. 

Sometimes the best edge comes from where nobody’s looking — and betting against the crowd can pay. Big.

PROP FIRMS

🤑 Friday Motivation

🚀 Pre-Market Fuel

1. 🇺🇲 A bad sign? US layoffs are skyrocketing.

2. 🤣 Peloton’s stock is officially a meme.

3. 😬 The Celsius CEO is going to jail for 12 years for crypto fraud.

4. 🚗 Lyft shares climbed 5% on news of more stock buybacks.

5. 🚀 Pinterest shares climbed 15% on Q1 earnings.

6. 🎨 Some weekend motivation from Vincent Van Gogh.

🍪 Munchy Memes

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