📉 Gold Makes History

 

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☕️ GM Munchers! It's Friday which means I need to explain to my wife why her brunch budget depends entirely on whether Bitcoin closes above or below $90K today.

On today’s menu:

  • 🚀 Gold Rockets to $4,900 & Inflation Stays Hot

  • 📉 Trump Sues JPMorgan For $5 Billion

  • 😬 Microsoft Forms a Death Cross

  • 😥 Intel Beats Earnings But Crashes 13%

  • Amazon Is Planning To Cut Thousands of Jobs

Yesterday’s numbers:

S&P 500

6,913

+0.55%

Nasdaq

23,436

+0.91%

Dow Jones

49,384

+0.63%

Bitcoin

$89,500

+0.07%

BREAKING NEWS

🚀 Gold Rockets to $4,900: The Fiat Funeral Continues

For the first time in history, gold blasted through $4,900/oz and is now flirting with the legendary $5,000 level. We're three weeks into 2026 and gold's already up over 13%.

Silver? Nearly touched a new record above $95/oz, now up 34% year-to-date.

What's driving this? The market is voting with its wallets, screaming "we don't trust fiat currency anymore" louder than when I tell my wife we need to tighten up the budget. Remember, cash loses purchasing power every single year because of inflation. Metals? They’re priced in dollars.

So this isn’t necessarily because metals are getting more valuable, but what they’re priced in is getting less valuable.

The Munch Take: This isn't some conspiracy theory mumbled by gold bugs in their mom’s basement. This is institutional capital fleeing dollars faster than retail traders abandon losing positions. This is what we've been saying from the beginning—you need to hold assets or you're getting left behind. The "cash is king" crowd is watching their purchasing power evaporate while metals moon. Gold at $5,000 isn't a question of if, it's when.

😬 Inflation Comes In at 2.8% (And That's Not Great)

The Personal Consumption Expenditures (PCE) Price Index—the Fed's favorite inflation gauge—came in at 2.8% for November. The expected print? 2.8%. Bulls are calling this "bullish for all markets" because inflation is tracking exactly how the Fed projected.

But here's the problem: 2.8% is still way above the Fed's 2% target. Inflation's behaving predictably, but it's also refusing to die. Translation? The Fed's not cutting rates aggressively anytime soon.

What markets are pricing:

  • 98% chance of no rate cut in January (basically guaranteed)

  • Highest probability for 2026: 3 cuts at 27% odds

  • More cuts = better for stocks (unless recession fears overshadow everything)

The Munch Take: Good news is inflation isn't accelerating out of control. Bad news? It's sticky as hell and nowhere near the Fed's 2% goal. Three cuts in 2026 sounds decent for risk assets, but don't hold your breath—Whoever takes Powell’s job later this year might shake things up.

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STOCKS

📉 Trump Sues JPMorgan for $5 Billion Over "Political Debanking"

Trump just filed a $5 billion lawsuit against JPMorgan Chase and CEO Jamie Dimon, accusing the bank of closing his accounts for political reasons—aka "debanking." The lawsuit, filed in Miami-Dade County, claims JPMorgan violated its own policies by singling him out to "ride the political tide."

JPMorgan's response? "We believe the suit has no merit. We respect the President's right to sue us and our right to defend ourselves."

Classic banking-speak for "good luck with that."

Market reaction? Basically nothing. JPM shares didn't budge much on the news, though the stock's down 6% so far in 2026—unrelated to the lawsuit, just part of the broader financial sector weakness.

The Munch Take: This lawsuit is political theater, not a market-moving event. JPM has an army of lawyers who eat $5 billion lawsuits for breakfast. Will this drag out in court for years? Absolutely. Will it materially impact JPMorgan's business? Probably not.

MARKET OVERVIEW

🍿 Tasty Movers & Shakers

🚀 SpaceX is reportedly hiring Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan, and Morgan Stanley to lead what could become the largest IPO in history—potentially valued at $1.5 trillion, per the Financial Times. That's not just big, that's "rewrite the record books and make every other IPO look like a garage sale" big.

🚗 $TSLA If landing on Mars wasn't ambitious enough, Elon announced yesterday that Tesla will start selling humanoid robots to the public by the end of next year. My wife's already excited, hoping they'll actually empty the dishwasher rather than doing what I do—strategically grabbing clean dishes one at a time to avoid the dirty pile.

 $MSFT Microsoft just formed a death cross for the first time since February—a bearish technical signal. Last time this happened? The stock bled 13% over six weeks. If you're holding MSFT, maybe tighten those stop losses. History doesn't always repeat, but it sure likes to rhyme.

😏 $META Facebook climbed over 5% yesterday on renewed investor optimism and Meta announcing they'll run ads on Threads. Let's be honest—literally nobody uses Threads. It's the digital equivalent of a deserted mall food court. But markets don't care about reality when there's a monetization story. Still, we like META long-term despite their questionable platform strategy.

$INTC Intel absolutely cratered 13% despite beating Q4 2025 earnings expectations. The culprit? Soft guidance for the current quarter. Turns out beating estimates means nothing if your forward outlook looks like a dumpster fire.

TRADING SUCCESS

🤑 Friday Motivation

🍪 Munchy Memes

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