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Elon Musk is quietly planning the largest IPO in stock market history.

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Sincerely,
Tim Bohen

☕️ GM Munchers! Breaking news: the Fed just cut rates to zero, Trump declared peace with everyone, and your portfolio is up 40% this morning. April Fools. The market is down and my wife told me I need to cut back on golf for “family time”. Nothing is fine.

On today’s menu:

• 🚀 The Biggest Rally Since May 2025

• 📉 Nike Crashes After Beating Earnings

• 😬 Microsoft’s Worst Quarter Since 2008

• 🎙️ Everything Warren Buffett Said On CNBC Yesterday

• 🤯 This Mineral stock Is Up 357% This Year

Yesterday’s numbers:

BREAKING NEWS

🚀 The Biggest Rally Since May 2025

I was starting to think I was colourblind. I genuinely could not remember the last time I saw green on my screen. My wife thought I was going through something. She almost booked me a therapy appointment. Turns out all I needed was a geopolitical “maybe”.

Yesterday was massive, with all three indexes soaring. It was the best single-day session since May 2025. But even with the massive rally, the market still ended the month down 5.3%, its worst monthly performance since 2022.

So no. We won’t pop the champagne just yet. But yesterday? Yesterday was something.

1. The Reason: It wasn't earnings. It wasn't the Fed. It was Iran. Specifically, an unconfirmed report that Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian is open to ending the war with guarantees. “Unconfirmed”. That word is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.

2. Trump Piled On: President Trump told the New York Post he believes the war will likely end soon, saying other nations will reopen the Strait of Hormuz themselves. Markets heard "peace" and immediately stopped asking follow-up questions.

3. What Moved: Basically everything. NVIDIA climbed a massive 5.6%. Airlines surged. Energy stocks slipped as oil pulled back. The VIX, which measures how scared everyone is, plummeted over 17% to settle at 25.12.

The Munch Take: The entire global stock market ripped because of an unconfirmed report that a guy might be open to potentially ending a war. That's it. That's the headline. Are all of our summer vacation plans 100% dependent on these “unconfirmed” reports getting “confirmed”? Yes, but I suppose it’s better than nothing.

📉 Is Nike A Dying Brand?

Nike posted better-than-expected earnings and revenue yesterday. Wall Street said "cool" and then crashed the stock 8% in after-hours trading. The stock is now sitting at its lowest price in over a decade. $48. A decade of zero progress.

📈 The Bull Case:

• The turnaround is actually happening and the earnings beat is real.

• New CEO Elliott Hill is cleaning house and cutting the dead weight.

• Tariff pain is already priced in at these levels. Probably.

• $48 is a price you simply could not have imagined paying for $NKE in 2021.

📉 The Bear Case:

• China is not coming back fast enough. Not even close.

• Tariffs could get worse and Nike manufactures almost nothing in America.

• Brand heat is gone. Hoka and On Running are eating their lunch in premium.

• "Better than expected" still means revenue is shrinking year-over-year.

The Munch Take: We're going to be direct. We're bearish on $NKE. The brand is not what it was. Nobody is impressed by a $200 sneaker with a Swoosh on it anymore. It's not 2018. Kids are wearing shoes named after Swiss mountains now. Buy at your own risk.

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MARKET OVERVIEW

🍿 Tasty Movers & Shakers

📉 $MSFT Microsoft just officially closed their worst quarter since 2008. They lost nearly a quarter of their value on fears that their AI investments are a very expensive science experiment with no report card yet. The bill is coming due. Nobody knows what's on it.

🤖 $MRVL The AI trade is back and it showed up loud. Marvell Technology ripped 12.8% after $NVDA announced a $2 billion investment in the semiconductor company. Nvidia has so much cash they're essentially just pointing at things and making them go up. I've started carrying my mortgage statement in case I run into Jensen Huang.

👟 $NKE Nike beat earnings and revenue estimates despite the tariff headwinds and their China turnaround moving at the pace of continental drift. The stock dropped after-hours anyway. The good news wasn't good enough. Wall Street is that person who asks for a favour, you do it perfectly, and they say "yeah but could you have done it faster."

🔪 $ORCL Oracle edged up 5.99% after announcing mass layoffs. Shareholders rejoiced. The employees did not.

👻 $SNAP Snap jumped 14.43% after activist investor Irenic Capital started pushing for strategic changes. Nothing fixes a struggling stock like someone showing up and saying "have you considered not doing that."

BIG PICTURE

🎙️ The Oracle Spoke: Everything Warren Buffett Said On CNBC Yesterday

Warren Buffett sat down with CNBC yesterday. 95 years old. Still sharp. Still in the office every day. Still making the rest of us look bad.

Still Running the Show: Buffett confirmed he still comes in daily, calls Berkshire's director of financial assets before the opening bell, and recently made a new "tiny" purchase but wouldn’t reveal what it was. Greg Abel is now the CEO but Buffett is apparently still doing homework at 95. No excuses accepted.

On The Selloff. This Is The Big One:

• His exact words: "Three times since I took over, for sure it's gone down more than 50%... This is nothing to make you get excited."

• Nothing. He called this selloff nothing. The man has watched markets crater and recover since before most of us were born and he is calling this selloff peanuts.

On The $350 Billion Cash Mountain:

• Berkshire is sitting on north of $350 billion in cash and T-bills. They just bought $17 billion in T-bills at this week's auction alone.

• On deploying it: he said if there is a big decline, they will deploy. But it doesn’t seem like he’s particularly excited about the current selloff.

• Translation: he's not panic-buying. He's waiting for real prices.

📱 On $AAPL: He said he sold too soon and would buy more, but not at current prices, even after the stock has fallen more than 14% off its recent high.

💰️ On Inflation: Wishes the Fed had a zero inflation target. Tolerating 2% compounds dramatically over time. My grocery bill would agree.

💣️ On Nuclear Risk: Nine nuclear-armed countries is a fundamentally different world than two. He said Iran getting the bomb makes catastrophic conflict harder to avoid.

😬 On Bill Gates: Hasn't spoken to him since the Epstein files dropped. Doesn't want to be called as a witness.

The Munch Take: The most patient investor alive just sat on national television and called this entire selloff nothing. He has $350 billion in cash. He's not scared. He's not buying either. He's waiting. The man is a legend for a reason.

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TRADING SUCCESS

🤑 Wednesday Motivation

🚀 Pre-Market Fuel

1. 🚀 How to profit from the biggest IPO in history ($7).

2. 📈 This mineral stock is up 357% this year.

3. 👀 Is this insider trading?

4. 🇺🇲 Businesses are hiring at the slowest pace in more than 15 years.

5. 🤯 OpenAI just raised an absolutely insane amount of money.

🍪 Munchy Memes

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