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☕️ GM Munchers! The 10-year yield is climbing, but my wife still thinks ‘yield’ is how loud I yell at the screen when a trade goes south.

On today’s menu:

• ☕️ Markets Flatline & Bonds Are Screaming

• 🍿 Tasty Movers & Shakers (New Section!)

• 🇯🇵 Is Japan In Trouble?

• 👀 An Update On The My Forex Funds Case

• 😍 Bitcoin Makes History

Yesterday’s numbers:

BREAKING NEWS

😢 Markets Flatline, The 10-Year Is Screaming, eToro Celebrates

Even Mr. Market needs a nap. Yesterday was one of the quietest news days all year — traders mostly sitting on their hands, waiting for today’s retail sales to wake things up.

But don’t worry, we’re not here to give you the “nothing happened” shrug.

While most people were doomscrolling or watching reality TV (my wife insisted on The Bachelor — send help), I did what any responsible degenerate would do: went digging for stories that actually matter.

Good news: I found some gems. Lessons, laughs, and maybe even a trade idea or two.

Let’s get into it.

😬 The 10-Year Is Screaming. Are You Listening?

I know we keep mentioning bonds and bonds = boring, but hear us out: this isn’t “grandpa’s portfolio” talk. Yields are screaming and traders better be listening.

The 10-year is now flexing at 4.53%, which means Uncle Sam’s borrowing tab just got a lot more expensive. That spills into mortgages, corporate loans, and eventually… your portfolio.

High yields = tighter Fed, weaker dollar, and gold suddenly looking a lot less shiny.

Equities? Still partying like it’s 2021.

But when the benchmark for global credit says “danger,” ignoring it usually ends with margin calls.

🧵 Plain‑English Play: Higher yields = more expensive debt for everyone. That hurts stocks, pressures gold, and keeps rate cuts off the table. Tech and housing are especially vulnerable. It’s good for the Dollar, bad for everything else.

🚀 eToro Pops 30% On Day 1 — Should’ve Sold a Kidney

eToro — aka Robinhood’s cooler, international cousin — IPO’d yesterday at $52 a share.

By the closing bell? Sitting pretty just under $70. 🤯 

That’s a juicy 30% gain in a single session. Not bad for a copy-trading app we all secretly used during our “crypto genius” phase.

In plain English: they raked in $310 million on day one.

For context, eToro pulled $931M in commissions last year and banked $192M in net income. Solid numbers… but after yesterday’s pop, we’re starting to think skipping our May rent to YOLO some shares wouldn’t have been the dumbest trade.

Would’ve been a lot more productive than buying the top of Doge (again).

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MARKET OVERVIEW

🍿 Tasty Movers & Shakers

$NVDA ( ▲ 4.16% ) Back from the dead. After ripping +4% yesterday and +15% on the week, Nvidia’s now the third Magnificent 7 stock to claw into green for 2025. AI hopium strikes again.

$XAUUSD ( 0.0% ) Gold caught a -2% slap as traders ditched safety for risk. And no, it wasn’t because the $DXY tanked — the dollar held firm. Just good ol’ fashioned “risk-on” rotation.

$AUDJPY ( ▼ 1.63% ) Here’s a weird one. Despite markets going full risk-on, Aussie yen couldn’t catch a bid. Dropped vs the Yen and the Dollar. Somebody's not reading the mood.

Oil slipped -1%, but chill — it’s still hovering around $62, comfortably above May’s lows of $55. For now, no panic selling in crude.

$BA ( ▲ 0.64% ) Boeing announced a monster $96B deal with Qatar Airways (210 jets!). Huge news. Market reaction? Crickets. Apparently, Wall Street needs more than 210 planes to care.

$RDDT ( ▲ 11.06% ) The underdog hero. Still riding post-earnings momentum, Reddit was one of today’s top movers. Two weeks later and still squeezing higher — not bad for a company most folks thought peaked with memes.

Enjoying this? Let us know.

If this section hit the spot (or missed it), hit reply and tell us. A simple “I like it, bro” goes a long way. Or roast us — we can take it.

Your feedback = better content = you making smarter trades. Fair trade, right?

FOREX

🇯🇵 Is Japan In Trouble?

Turns out the "boring" Japanese bond market is suddenly wilder than your portfolio after three martinis.

What’s happening?

🔑 BOJ policymakers are letting bond yields surge to levels not seen in decades. Long-term yields are creeping up like your hairline is receding – slowly but unstoppably. With Japan's debt-to-GDP at a whopping 251%, markets are sweating bullets over sustainability.

Why traders should care:

• Higher JGB yields = capital flowing back to Japan like salmon swimming upstream

• Japanese yen might strengthen, crushing exporters harder than my dreams of retirement

• Japan's demographic death spiral—population plunging by 898,000 annually alongside record-low fertility—is gutting the tax base needed to service its huge debt.

🧵 Plain‑English Play: If you want to make money trading USD/JPY, you need to watch the bond yields closely. Already this year, the Yen has been stronger than the USD and if yields continue to rise, it might add more fuel to this trend.

TRADING STATS

😍 The Funded Trader Index

Today’s Funded Trader Index took a hit — win rate dropped to 53.33% (yikes).

The worst trade? A $4K loss on XAU/USD in under 2 hours.

Still, one brave soul bagged $6,450 on EUR/USD.

The largest pending payout holds steady at $7,784.

Tough crowd today, but the grind continues.

PROP FIRMS

🤑 Thursday Motivation

🚀 Pre-Market Fuel

1. 👀 An update on the My Forex Funds case with the CFTC.

2. 🚗 Honda delays a $15 billion investment in Canada.

3. 😍 Bitcoin just made history.

4. ✅ A life hack for traders.

5. 🤯 The White House and Qatar sign a $1.2 trillion deal.

🍪 Munchy Memes

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