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☕️ GM Munchers! Markets are green today, which is great because my portfolio was starting to look like my wife’s plants: dry, neglected, and probably dead.

On today’s menu:

• 📈 Markets Rip, Fear Pops, and Congress Buys the Dip

• 🚀 Trump’s Stock Cries & Tesla Flies

• 😍 The Funded Trader Index

• 🤔 Is Michael Saylor Scamming Us?

• 👀 Gold Versus Silver

Yesterday’s numbers:

BREAKING NEWS

🧾 Tariffs Delayed, Stocks Go Full Risk-On

Trump flipped the script over the long weekend, announcing a delay on his proposed 50% tariffs on EU goods. Instead of hitting June 1, they’ll now kick in (maybe) on July 9.

Translation: One tweet bought the market five more weeks of breathing room. Europe’s stocks jumped too — especially the CAC 40 and Germany’s DAX — both loving the tariff timeout.

💡 Trader takeaway: This is a risk-on move... for now. But if Trump reverses course again (which, let’s be honest, he might), brace for whiplash.

💰 Fear Hits $7.24 Trillion

Despite all that green, investors aren’t exactly YOLO-ing into equities. Money market funds — the glorified piggy banks of the financial world — just hit a record $7.24 trillion.

What’s in those?

Stuff like T-bills, CDs, and commercial paper. Safe. Liquid. Boring. And now? Absolutely stacked.

Why it matters:

• Shows massive fear under the hood

• Institutions are parking cash, not deploying it

• Risk-off positioning despite headlines screaming “all clear”

🧵 Plain-English Play: A shift from MMFs into equities could spark the next real leg higher — or it could be a contrarian sell signal.

🏥 UnitedHealth: Crashed Stock, Congress Buying

$UNH has dropped 42% YTD and just hit the most oversold RSI level since 2008. Most retail traders are running away. Politicians? They're loading the boat.

• Marjorie Taylor Greene bought the dip

• So did the CFO, CEO, and three directors

• UNH insiders dropped over $30M into the stock last week

The kicker?

UnitedHealth is the #3 company in America by revenue at $410 billion — more than Apple or Google. But its market cap has plunged to just $265 billion.

💡 Valuation alert:

• Price-to-sales: 0.7

• Price-to-earnings: 12.4

• Free cash flow ratio: 9.6

The margins are thin, but the revenue machine is humming. If you believe this is just Medicare noise, not a business breakdown — this could be a deep value play in disguise.

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MARKET OVERVIEW

🍿 Tasty Movers & Shakers

$X ( ▼ 0.21% ) Japan’s Nippon Steel acquired U.S. Steel for $55 per share. Trump referred to the deal as a “partnership” and said Nippon will invest $14 billion over the next 14 months. The U.S. Steel’s headquarters will remain in Pittsburgh.

$DJT ( ▼ 3.07% ) dropped over 10% after the company announced it was raising $2.5 billion to buy Bitcoin and other crypto assets. I guess Wall Street isn’t loving the Michael Saylor playbook anymore (more on him below).

$TSLA ( ▲ 0.43% ) The stock climbed over 5% after Elon Musk said he’s going to be “super focused” on his companies.

$CRM ( ▼ 3.3% ) Salesforce is acquiring Informatica, a data management company for $8 billion.

$LUV ( ▲ 2.49% ) Southwest Airlines is officially starting to charge $35 for a checked bag. A second bag will cost $45 and ends more than a half century of “two bags fly free” for passengers. Is nothing sacred anymore!?

$DAX ( ▲ 0.16% ) The German stock market closed at a new all-time high. Risk on is here, baby!

CRYPTO

🤔 Is Michael Saylor Scamming Us?

At the Bitcoin 2025 conference, MicroStrategy’s Michael Saylor was asked a simple question: “Why not prove your Bitcoin reserves on-chain?”

His answer? Basically: “Too risky. Trolls. Hackers. Government spies. Don't do it.”

Come again?

Let’s be crystal clear here:

• Bitcoin is a public ledger.

• Every sat can be verified.

• Wallets are already public. That’s literally the point.

So when Saylor says MicroStrategy owns 580,250 BTC (worth over $40 billion), but refuses to show proof on-chain, we’re left with… “trust me bro.”

Now, we’re not saying he’s lying. But if you’re going to tweet every 2 weeks that you bought another $250 million in Bitcoin, don’t suddenly tell us that showing your wallet is “too dangerous.”

Oh, and let’s not forget:
MicroStrategy has a history. Back in the dot-com days, the SEC charged them with accounting fraud.

• They paid $10 million in disgorgement + $1 million in penalties

• Restated earnings from 1997–1999 by $66 million

• Cease and desist order issued

Translation? MicroStrategy has been caught “massaging the numbers” before. So yeah, people are going to ask for receipts.

🧵 Plain-English Play:
Trust in crypto is earned on-chain. Not from press releases or conference chairs. If you’re long BTC, this won’t shake you. But traders should keep one eye on MicroStrategy news. If confidence cracks, it could spark a quick sentiment shift.

And if you’re reading this, Saylor — just drop the wallet, bro.

PROP FIRMS

😍 The Funded Trader Index

Here’s what the data says about the traders who just passed their challenge:

✅ It took them an average of 37.61 trades to secure funding — which means no one’s passing with one lucky pump.

🎯 Their win rate? 56%, proving you don’t need to be right all the time, just consistent.

🕐 The average trade lasted 5 hours, 59 minutes, suggesting most are riding intraday swings — not scalping for scraps.

📦 And their average lot size was 3.73, showing solid conviction.

Moral of the story? Risk smart, stay patient, and don’t overtrade like your cousin’s crypto wallet.

🚀 Pre-Market Fuel

1. 🍟 Steak ‘n Shake is now accepting payments with Bitcoin.

2. ❌ Student debt delinquency payments are off the charts. Literally.

3. 👀 This gold vs silver chart is pretty mind-blowing.

4. 🤑 Satoshi Nakamoto is now the 11th richest person in the world.

5. ✅ Quote of the day.

🍪 Munchy Memes

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