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📉 Never Better (Literally)

BREAKING UPDATE: Elon Musk Just Filed the SpaceX IPO
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But it's become the worst-kept secret on Wall Street.
Right now, 21 banks are lining up to underwrite the $1.75 TRILLION deal - JPMorgan, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley.
June is the target date for launch...
That gives everyday Americans a small window to get positioned before Wall Street insiders gobble up all the profits.
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☕️ GM Munchers! With the market at all-time highs, I thought about treating myself to some hockey playoff tickets. Then I saw the going price is my firstborn son and my left kidney. I think I’ll watch at home with my $4.79 bag of chips instead.
On today’s menu:
🚀 All-Time Highs, Baby. We’re Back.
⚡ Tesla Beat The Street. The Stock Ripped. Now What?
🚗 The Short Squeeze Is Over
🥳 Bitcoin Is Back. We’re Not Surprised.
🤑 This Stock Hit $300 For The First Time Ever
Yesterday’s numbers:
S&P 500 | 7,137 | +1.05% |
Nasdaq | 24,657 | +1.64% |
Dow Jones | 49,490 | +0.69% |
Bitcoin | $78,810 | +3.19% |
BREAKING NEWS
🚀 All-Time Highs, Baby. We’re Back.
The market is officially acting like a guy who gets dumped, hears his ex is already seeing someone new, and immediately starts hitting the gym. Feels productive. But might be completely delusional.
The S&P 500 and Nasdaq have officially hit new all-time highs, all in the middle of an ongoing war with no real progress in peace talks. Yes, I’m scratching my head to find a reason behind these good vibes.
Here’s where things currently stand:
Trump extended the U.S. ceasefire, citing Tehran's "seriously fractured" government. Iran's response was essentially a hard no.
Oil is back above $93 a barrel and the Strait of Hormuz remains largely blocked. That matters for everything.
The IMF cut its 2026 global growth forecast to 3.1% and now sees headline inflation running at 4.4% for the year.
I feel like it’s the same story every day. The market is pricing in a peace deal. Iran is pricing in a war. One of them, eventually, has to be wrong.
The Munch Take: All-time highs on a day when oil is spiking and Iran is ghosting the peace talks. Wild. This rally is the best case study on why timing the market is impossible. Congrats to everyone who bought the dip.

⚡ Tesla Beat The Street. The Stock Ripped. Now What?

$TSLA just dropped a Q1 2026 earnings report that Wall Street didn't see coming. EPS came in at $0.41 adjusted. Analysts expected $0.37. That's an 11% beat on the bottom line. Revenue hit $22.39 billion, up 16% year over year. Gross margin jumped to 21.1%. That's up from 16.3% a year ago. Shares jumped more than 5% in after-hours trading.
That said, let’s read the fine print.
The Caveat: Deliveries missed expectations by roughly 7,600 units. Tesla also built over 50,000 more vehicles than it sold. That's not a margin story. That's an inventory problem. Energy storage deployment dropped 38% sequentially to 8.8 GWh. I have no idea what that means except for the fact that one quarter ago, that was the one thing bulls could point to with a straight face.
📈 The Bull Case:
Gross margin at 21.1% is the strongest in years. That's the number that matters.
Robotaxi launched in Dallas and Houston. The AI narrative has actual runway now.
FSD subscribers are climbing. The software business is real, slowly.
📉 The Bear Case:
50,000 unsold vehicles sitting on lots is not a vibe.
Revenue missed expectations at $22.39 billion against the $22.64 billion Wall Street wanted.
The stock dropped 14% heading into today. A 3% bounce after hours doesn't fix that chart.
The EPS beat was partly one-time. Tesla cited "automotive one-time benefits related to warranty and tariffs." That's not a repeatable margin driver.
The Munch Take: The margin recovery is real and that’s good news. But 50,000 cars sitting in a parking lot is the kind of thing that makes me nervous. That's not demand. That's hope parked in a lot somewhere in Texas. The real bull case? My wife feels safer with Tesla's Autopilot driving than me. Humbling? Yes. Is the future here? Yes.
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MARKET OVERVIEW
🍿 Tasty Movers & Shakers
🖼️ $ADBE Adobe climbed 3.54% after announcing a $25 billion share buyback program. That's the company telling you exactly what it thinks of its own stock price. Hard to argue.
⚡ $AXSI Axe Compute soared 79.3% after landing a $260 million contract to build Nvidia GPU systems. Nobody knew of this company just last week. That’s no longer the case.
🌿 $TLRY $WEED $ACB The weed stocks are back, baby. Tilray jumped 14.22%, Canopy Growth popped 21.05%, and Aurora Cannabis rose 6.74%. Expectations of a looser federal marijuana classification lifted the whole sector. The trade that has burned retail investors twelve times is officially back for a thirteenth.
🖥️ $BBY Best Buy shed 4.6% after announcing a CEO transition. Nobody panic-sells over a leadership change unless they think the next guy is worse. The market thinks the next guy is worse.
🚗 $CAR Avis Budget Group cratered 37.82%, giving back a short-squeeze-driven rally in spectacular fashion. This is what happens when the music stops and everyone realizes they were dancing on a table.
📺 $DJT Trump Media and Technology Group dropped 3.46% after CEO Devin Nunes walked out the door. The stock is down over 60% this year.
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STOCK OF THE DAY
🥳 Bitcoin Is Back. We’re Not Surprised.
Bitcoin is back above $79,000 for the first time since early February. A few weeks ago it was sitting at $60,000. That's a 23% recovery from its cycle low. Still roughly 37% off its all-time high of $126,000. But we're moving in the right direction.
Here's what's actually driving this:
BlackRock's Bitcoin ETF pulled in $906 million in inflows last week alone. That's not retail money. That's institutional money deciding the dip was a gift.
Strategy just bought 34,164 Bitcoin for $2.54 billion at an average price of $74,395 per coin. Its third-largest purchase on record. Michael Saylor remains the most convicted man in finance.
Spot Bitcoin ETFs have now recorded six consecutive days of inflows. Polymarket puts the odds of Bitcoin hitting $80,000 this month at 60.5%.
The rally isn't complicated. Geopolitical tension eases, risk-on sentiment returns, and Bitcoin gets bought. As simple as that.
There's also a regulatory wildcard nobody is talking about. The CLARITY Act, which would provide regulatory clarity for digital assets, is expected to have its Senate markup session before month-end. If that passes, it's a serious institutional adoption catalyst.
If you've been a reader for a while, you know Bitcoin is the reason I bought my first house. You'll also know we've been buying this dip. I'm happy to report we are now only down 15% on our 2026 position.
The Munch Take: In a world where the government prints money out of thin air, Bitcoin is supposed to be the answer. The problem is it hasn't been acting like one. It sold off with everything else when Iran tensions spiked. Safe-haven assets don't do that. Until Bitcoin can hold its value when the world gets scary, it's still more of a risk asset than a store of value. We’re holding strong, but it needs to pick an identity. My wife picked hers the day she bought gold jewelry and beat my entire portfolio. Bitcoin has more work to do.
🚀 Pre-Market Fuel
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