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- 📉 Powell’s Bombshell
📉 Powell’s Bombshell
Pip Munch
January 13, 2026
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☕️ GM Munchers! Powell's facing criminal charges for refusing to tank the economy on command. Now he knows how I feel after organizing the entire garage only for my wife to ask "Why didn't you also clean the gutters?" Ma'am, I wasn't even aware gutters were part of the original scope.
On today’s menu:
📉 Powell’s Bombshell & Silver Shatters Records
💳 Credit Card Carnage
⚖️ Wednesday's $Trillion Question
📱 Siri Gets An Upgrade 16 Years Too Late
🇮🇷 Iran’s Currency Has Officially Collapsed
Yesterday’s numbers:
S&P 500 | 6,977 | +0.16% |
Nasdaq | 23,733 | +0.26% |
Dow Jones | 49,590 | +0.17% |
Bitcoin | $91,100 | +0.28% |
BREAKING NEWS
📉 Powell's Sunday Night Bombshell
Jerome Powell gave an unprecedented announcement Sunday night without his glasses on—and in Fed-speak, that means it's serious.
What happened: DOJ opened a criminal investigation into Powell after he refused Trump's demands to cut interest rates aggressively. Trump wants cuts. Powell said no. Now prosecutors are involved.
Why it matters: The Fed's supposed to be independent from the White House. Keeping inflation under control and employment stable shouldn't be partisan. But if criminal charges stick, Fed independence dies and whoever replaces Powell (his term ends May) will be Trump's puppet.
The Munch Take: Markets shrugged Monday (S&P hit new ATH), but this is a long-term earthquake, not a short-term tremor. If the Fed becomes a political tool, monetary policy credibility collapses globally. Watch this closely—it's more important than any single trade.
🥈 Silver Shatters Records: $85 and Climbing
Silver blew past $85/oz for the first time ever, already up 19% in 2026. Gold hit $4,600 ATH.
Why the surge? Hedging against Fed policy chaos. If Trump gets his way and rates get slashed while inflation's still hot, metals explode. Markets are pricing the "Powell gets replaced by a yes-man" scenario.
The Munch Take: We've been saying this for months — Own assets or get left behind. If the Trump admin has taught us one thing, it’s that it doesn’t matter who’s in office — The debt will keep climbing and the money printer will keep going brrrrrrrrrr.
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STOCKS
💳 Credit Card Carnage: When Populism Meets Profit Margins
Trump's 10% rate cap crushed credit card stocks:
American Express: -4%
Capital One: -7%
Citigroup, JPMorgan, Bank of America: -2-3%
The problem: The Average credit card rate is 19.7% nationally. Cap it at 10%, companies can't price subprime risk. Industry response? Potentially close 175 million accounts (90% of users with credit scores below 740).
Translation: The headline sounds great until millions lose access to credit entirely and turn to loan sharks charging 50%+.
The Munch Take: This is anti-capitalist theatre before midterms. Don't like high rates? Don't carry a balance. But here's the opportunity: Amex Express. Buffett's held since 1991 and has never sold a share since 1995. We’re hoping for a bigger dip before buying.
MARKET OVERVIEW
🍿 Tasty Movers & Shakers
$AAPL – Apple finally admitted Siri is useless and handed the keys to Google's Gemini. About time. Siri's been dumber than a box of rocks since 2010, responding to "set an alarm for 7 AM" with "here's what I found on the web about alarm clocks." Maybe Gemini can actually understand basic English without me screaming at my phone like a lunatic. Low bar, but we'll take it.
$DG – Dollar General ripped 4% (up 11% in 2026) after an analyst raised the price target to $165. The real catalyst? In this economy, Dollar General's the only store where you can leave without spending $100. When inflation's your business model, apparently that's bullish.
$BBY – Best Buy dropped 4.5% after Wall Street Zen downgraded it. Shocking development: turns out people prefer ordering electronics from their couch instead of driving to a fluorescent-lit warehouse staffed by teenagers. Amazon killed retail and Best Buy's corpse is just now realizing it's dead.
$WMT – Walmart climbed 2% on news it's joining the Nasdaq index. Getting added to an index is like getting invited to the cool kids' table—suddenly everyone's forced to buy your stock whether they like you or not. Passive investing: where mediocrity meets mandatory inclusion.
$PLTR – Palantir emerged from its cave (up 1%) after Citi upgraded the stock. First time we've heard about Palantir in weeks, which for a meme stock that spent 2025 up 139% is basically entering witness protection. Welcome back to relevance, we guess.
TARIFFS
⚖️ Supreme Court Tariff Reckoning: Wednesday's $Trillion Question
Trump warned yesterday that if Supreme Court rules tariffs illegal and the US has to refund "trillions of dollars," it would be a "complete mess."
Ruling expected: As soon as Wednesday.
The Munch Take: This is a binary event and that equals massive volatility. If you’re trading on Wednesday, keep your stop losses tighter than my jeans after Christmas dinner.
🚀 Pre-Market Fuel
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