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☕️ GM Munchers! Big day for aspiring homeowners, terrible day for my marriage excuses. Trump just obliterated my "Blackrock's buying everything, babe" narrative by actually banning corporate home purchases. Now I have to admit we're just broke. Revolutionary policy, personal disaster.

On today’s menu:

• 📉 Trump Bans Blackstone & S&P Hits 7,000

• ✅ Stop Grinding a $500 Account Like It's 2019

• 🥊 Elon vs Nvidia: Battle of the Overpriced Egos

• 🚀 Google Passes Apple

• 😬 Tensions Between U.S. & Russia Rise

Yesterday’s numbers:

BREAKING NEWS

🏚️ Trump Bans Blackstone From Buying Your Dream Home

Trump dropped a Wednesday bombshell: ban large institutional investors from buying single-family homes. His reasoning? "People live in homes, not corporations."

The fallout:

• Blackstone: -4% (owns 230,000+ rental homes)

• Invitation Homes (largest single-family renter): -7%

• Apollo Global Management: also tanked

Why markets care: Private equity giants spent the last decade buying houses faster than millennials could afford them, turning the American Dream into the American Rental Subscription. Trump's essentially saying "party's over, return the houses."

The Munch Take: This is peak populism meets actual policy. Whether it gets codified or not, the signal is clear—corporate landlords are public enemy #1. If you're long any REIT or private equity firm with residential exposure, maybe reassess that thesis. Housing affordability is now a political weapon, and Trump just loaded the chamber.

🎯 S&P Hits 7,000 While Defence Stocks Eat Dirt

S&P 500 futures touched 7,000 for the first time ever—absolute euphoria territory. But not everyone got the memo.

The losers: Defence contractors after Trump banned dividends and buybacks until they "speed up production."

• General Dynamics: -2%

• Lockheed Martin: -2%

• Northrop Grumman: -2%

Trump's complaint? "Massive" shareholder payouts happening "at the expense of investing in Plants and Equipment." He also capped executive pay at $5 million until they build new factories.

The Munch Take: Markets hit all-time highs while Trump threatens corporate America's favourite financial engineering tricks (buybacks = instant stock pump). This is risk-on with a side of "comply or die."

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BIG PICTURE

🥊 Elon vs Nvidia: Battle of the Overpriced Egos

Elon brushed off Nvidia's self-driving announcement, claiming they're 5-6 years away from competitive autonomous tech. Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang countered by praising Tesla's FSD as "world-class" (the corporate equivalent of "bless your heart").

The scoreboard:

• Nvidia: +34% over last year, 46.75 P/E

• Tesla: +10% same period, 291 P/E (yes, really)

The Munch Take: Both stocks are priced for perfection that may never arrive. Nvidia's building the picks and shovels for AI; Tesla's betting its entire valuation on robotaxis. We're not touching either at these levels, but the market clearly doesn't care what we think. Stay humble, stay hedged.

MARKET OVERVIEW

🍿 Tasty Movers & Shakers

🏦 Banks Take a Breather – JP Morgan, Bank of America, and Wells Fargo all dropped 2%+ yesterday for absolutely no reason except "we've ripped for a year straight and maybe gravity still exists." Sometimes profit-taking isn't a catalyst—it's just exhaustion. Even winning streaks need bathroom breaks.

🤖 Anthropic's $350B Delusion – The ChatGPT competitor is raising $10 billion at a $350 billion valuation, proving the AI bubble hasn't popped yet. It's just getting bigger, dumber, and more expensive. The AI race continues sprinting toward either revolutionary breakthroughs or spectacular crater formations. Place your bets accordingly.

$GME – GameStop climbed 3% after unveiling a CEO pay package that incentivizes "extraordinary growth." Translation? They're bribing someone to finally figure out what GameStop actually does in 2026. The meme stock refuses to die quietly, which is either inspiring or deeply concerning depending on your position.

$ALK – Alaska Airlines ordered 100+ Boeing jets in their biggest purchase ever. Apparently Alaska's booming, or they're betting big on climate refugees fleeing to colder territories. Either way, Boeing's getting paid.

$GOOGL – Google ripped 2.5% to pass Apple as the world's second-largest company—first time since 2019. Turns out proving you can compete in AI actually moves stock prices. Wild concept.

$MSTR – MicroStrategy pumped 2% after MSCI reversed course and decided not to boot crypto companies from the index. Michael Saylor's Bitcoin obsession lives to fight another day. The leveraged volatility continues.

TRADING SUCCESS

🤑 Thursday Motivation

🚀 Pre-Market Fuel

1. 😬 Tensions between the US and Russia escalated yesterday.

2. 😂 Was this crazy insider trading?

3. 👀 Marco Rubio has a meeting about Greenland next week.

4. 🫀 OpenAI launched ChatGPT Health.

5. 🚀 The Venezuelan stock market continues to fly.

🍪 Munchy Memes

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