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☕️ GM Munchers! I was hoping to golf this weekend, but instead I had to “monitor the situation” and spend 12 hours doomscrolling Twitter while my wife accused me of using WW3 as an excuse to avoid chores.

On today’s menu:

• 📉 The U.S. Enters War With Iran

• 🇯🇵 BOJ Just Noped Out of the Bond Market

• 🥳 Tesla Launches Their Robotaxi

• 😬 Inflation Fears Are Back

• 🇺🇲 Texas Goes All-In On Bitcoin

Friday’s numbers:

BREAKING NEWS

📉 The U.S. Enters War With Iran

The U.S. just officially entered the war between Israel and Iran. Trump confirmed Saturday night that the U.S. bombed three major nuclear sites in Iran—Fordow, Natanz, and Esfahan—using B-2 stealth bombers and Tomahawk missiles.

And just like that, Bitcoin tanked from its recent highs of $110K to below $99K over the weekend. Risk-off mode activated.

Iran responded by launching missiles at Israeli targets. And in case your anxiety wasn’t high enough, the Strait of Hormuz—a literal chokepoint for 20% of global oil—might get closed off.

So yeah, casual weekend.

Key Facts:

• U.S. joined Israel’s offensive after Iran’s continued nuclear enrichment.

• Trump called the attack a “spectacular success” and said more could be coming.

• Iran’s parliament approved a measure to close the Strait of Hormuz.

🤔 What Happens Next?

This isn’t just geopolitics. It’s a volatility bomb.

Markets now face 3 possible paths:

➡️ Escalation (Risk-Off): More strikes, more uncertainty. Equities fall. USD, gold, JPY up. BTC probably takes another hit.

➡️ De-escalation (Risk-On): If this weekend’s strike was a “one and done,” risk assets could rebound hard. BTC, stocks, oil = up.

➡️ Prolonged Grind (Sideways Mess): Think Russia-Ukraine 2.0. Occasional shocks, short-term swings, but no clear trend. VIX stays elevated, and every CPI print feels like a Fed announcement.

Translation? Headlines now matter more than head and shoulders patterns.

You’re not just trading charts this week—you’re trading war updates. Stay sharp. And maybe bookmark Pip Munch. Just saying.

🚗 What A War Means For Oil

If Iran blocks the Strait of Hormuz, it’s game over for stable oil flows. That strait is only 21 miles wide but moves 20% of the world’s oil every single day.

Crude was chilling at $75 on Friday. That’s about to change. Futures are likely to gap up, and energy stocks could ride the wave.

Canada’s about to feel it too. Higher oil = stronger CAD. (Which means, yes, your trip to Buffalo just got more expensive.)

What to watch:

• Oil spiking toward $100+

• Canadian dollar strength

• Energy equities getting frisky

If the Strait gets shut, JPMorgan says that alone could be interpreted as a declaration of war.

So… yeah. No big deal.

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The U.S. just bombed Iran.
Headlines are screaming, and price action is wild.
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FOREX

🇯🇵 BOJ Just Noped Out of the Bond Market

The Bank of Japan — once the world’s most aggressive money printer — is now selling bonds at a record pace. In Q1 alone, they dumped ¥6.2 trillion worth.

Why it matters:

For decades, Japan quietly supported global markets by buying tons of bonds, suppressing yields, and keeping liquidity flowing. Now? They’re backing away… just as everyone else is freaking out over inflation, war, and deficits.

This isn't just Japan tightening. It’s Japan saying: “We’re out. You’re on your own.”

🧠 Explain It Like I’m 11:

• Imagine Japan was the rich uncle who always loaned money when markets got dicey.

• Now that uncle is retiring… and selling off his assets instead.

• Translation: Less global liquidity, more volatility, and fewer buyers for bonds when the world needs them most.

What it means for the Yen:

• Normally, JPY strengthens in risk-off environments. It’s the “go-to” safe haven.

• But this shift may break that pattern. Why?

• The BOJ is signalling tightening, which can strengthen the yen short-term.

• But losing their anchor role in global finance could scare off foreign capital.

Net result? Yen might be volatile — not safe. Watch how USD/JPY reacts when global stress hits.

Bottom line: The BOJ just fired the starting pistol on a global bond market regime change.

And if you don’t have a clear thesis here, you’re not trading — you’re guessing.

MARKET OVERVIEW

🍿 Tasty Movers & Shakers

$TSLA ( ▼ 1.49% ) Tesla just soft-launched its long-teased Robotaxi service in Austin, charging a very on-brand $4.20 per ride. Yes, Elon still thinks he’s hilarious. Investors are watching closely, hoping this kicks off a new revenue stream without the full Uber drama.

$GOOGL ( ▲ 1.43% ) Google’s profits are so obscene they’re basically printing money in the back. Viral charts this weekend showed $111B in net income. That’s enough cash to buy GameStop… twice… and still have change for some GPU farms. If you’re betting against them in AI, good luck.

$MCD ( ▲ 1.95% ) McDonald’s stock is still sliding, down another 5% last week. Reason? The dollar menu is now basically the $10 menu. One viral chart showed how prices have ballooned over the last 10 years — and let’s just say it’s not just the fries getting salty.

$TGT ( ▼ 0.87% ) Target is having its worst year since… well, forever. The stock is down 30% YTD, and it’s staring down its third straight quarterly decline — a streak it hasn’t seen in over a decade. Turns out being the “nice” Walmart isn’t cutting it with consumers anymore.

PROP FIRMS

🤑 Monday Motivation

🚀 Pre-Market Fuel

1. 😬 Consumers are really worried about inflation again.

2. 🇨🇭 The Swiss National Bank cut interest rates to 0%.

3. 🥳 Texas officially has a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve signed into law.

4. 🇮🇱 The Israeli stock market hit an all-time high on Friday.

🍪 Munchy Memes

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