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☕️ GM Munchers! This weekend I reorganized my closet like a functioning member of society. Trump reorganized global geopolitics by threatening to tariff Europe until they give him Greenland. The market thought dumping everything Sunday night was the appropriate response. Monday's here, baby.

On today’s menu:

• 📉 Trade War For Greenland & Elon Wants $134 Billion

• 🇨🇦 Canada Picks China Over Trump

• ⏰ Davos 2026: Trump's Back, Baby

• 🍿 Netflix Is Crashing

• ❌ This Futures Prop Firm Just Shut Down

Friday’s numbers:

BREAKING NEWS

📉 Trade War For Greenland

Over the weekend, Trump announced he's slapping escalating tariffs on eight NATO members starting at 10% on February 1st. The ransom demand? "Complete and Total purchase of Greenland."

Yes, you read that correctly. We're living in a timeline where NATO allies get trade-warred until they sell us an ice sheet.

The tariffs escalate to 25% by June 1st and stack on top of existing levies. Trump's justification? He says the Chinese and Russian ships in the area are "a very dangerous situation for the Safety, Security, and Survival of our Planet."

Then things escalated. Bloomberg reported the European Union is considering suspending their trade deal with the US entirely in response to Trump's threats. This isn't a diplomatic slap on the wrist—this is the EU potentially nuking transatlantic commerce.

Market reaction so far? Futures dropped across the board and Bitcoin fell $4,000 in just minutes as traders try to digest what this means for markets.

France's Macron said "no intimidation will influence us," Sweden said they won't be "blackmailed," and Denmark called it a "surprise" after recent constructive meetings.

But if the EU actually pulls the trigger on suspending trade? That's a different animal entirely.

The Munch Take: We're believers in the TACO trade—Trump Always Chickens Out. This feels like classic negotiation theater but the EU's threat to suspend the entire trade deal changes things. If they actually do it, expect USD volatility, European equity weakness, and global risk-off sentiment. For now, we're watching closely. If markets dump on escalating headlines, we're still inclined to buy the dip.

Prediction markets show 22% odds that the US actually acquires Greenland. That’s a new all-time high.

💰️ Elon Wants $134 Billion From OpenAI (And Sam Altman Just Started Running Ads)

Elon Musk is suing OpenAI and Microsoft for $134 billion, claiming he deserves the "wrongful gains" from his early support when OpenAI was supposedly a nonprofit helping humanity. Plot twist: Sam Altman turned it into a for-profit juggernaut, and now they're heading to trial in April.

The irony gets better. In October 2024, Altman said "I kind of think of ads as like a last resort for us as a business model." Fast forward to Friday: OpenAI announced they're testing ads in ChatGPT's free tier.

Translation? "Last resort" apparently means "three months later."

The Munch Take: This lawsuit won't move markets immediately, but it's a reminder that the AI arms race is getting messy. When billionaires fight over $134 billion, lawyers get rich and shareholders get nervous. Watch OpenAI's corporate structure drama—if things get ugly, it could impact Microsoft's AI strategy.

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FOREX

🇨🇦 Canada Picks China Over Trump

Canada just made a power move that'll probably infuriate Washington: they're allowing 49,000 Chinese EVs at a 6.1% tariff (up to 70,000 by year five), while China cuts Canadian canola tariffs from 85% to 15% by March 1st.

Prime Minister Mark Carney openly admitted China is more "predictable" than the US as a trade partner. Trump's response? "That's OK. If you can get a deal with China, you should do that."

The backdrop: This reverses Canada's October 2024 lockstep with Washington when they implemented a 100% tariff that effectively blocked Chinese EV imports entirely.

The Munch Take: This won't move CAD immediately, but long-term it's concerning. Canada has one of the highest household-debt-to-GDP ratios globally and abysmal GDP-per-capita growth. Until they fix structural economic issues, we don't see the Loonie strengthening. This China pivot might buy them short-term canola exports but doesn't solve the real problems.

MARKET OVERVIEW

🍿 Tasty Movers & Shakers

🍿 $NFLX Netflix is cratering below its 200-day moving average, down 30% in six months. The culprit? Wall Street's watching Netflix contemplate acquiring Warner Bros—a move that would slap $70 billion of debt onto their balance sheet. The market's response? A collective "absolutely not." When your stock chart starts looking like a ski slope, maybe reconsider the leveraged buyout fantasies.

🏦 $JPM Trump's threatening to sue JPMorgan for allegedly "debanking" him after January 6th. Will this move the stock? Probably not. But watching a former president square off against America's largest bank is peak 2026 chaos. Worth monitoring if only for the entertainment value.

🚀 $MSTR Bitcoin proxy MicroStrategy just got a $505 million vote of confidence from Vanguard Group—their first-ever position. When a $12 trillion asset manager decides you're worth buying, that's not noise. That's signal. MicroStrategy holders just got institutional validation with a Vanguard-sized stamp of approval.

🥩 Steak N Shake dropped $10 million into Bitcoin for their corporate treasury. The smart part? They're using free cash flow, not leveraging themselves into oblivion. We like it.

WEEKLY OUTLOOK

⏰ Davos 2026: Trump's Back, Baby

The World Economic Forum kicks off Monday in Davos, and Trump's making his first in-person appearance of his second term. The theme is "A Spirit of Dialogue," which is hilarious considering Trump's agenda includes tariffs, Greenland conquest, potential Iran strikes, Venezuela intervention, threatening the Fed chair, and pushing oil drilling over clean energy.

Who's attending:

• Nvidia's Jensen Huang and Microsoft's Satya Nadella (850 executives total)

• US Trade Representative Jamieson Greer and Chinese Vice Premier He Lifeng

• Ukrainian President Zelenskyy seeking support against Russia

New proposal to watch: Trump might announce Americans can use 401(k) funds for home down payments.

The Munch Take: Davos is where policy meets PR. Pay attention to trade comments and AI discussions. A WEF survey found two-thirds of 18-30 year olds fear AI will kill entry-level jobs over three years. That sentiment matters when you're holding tech stocks.

TRADING SUCCESS

🤑 Monday Motivation

🚀 Pre-Market Fuel

1. ❌ This futures prop firm is shutting down.

2. 🤯 Silver is up 31% already this year.

3. 😬 Japan’s treasury yields are doing crazy things.

4. 🇨🇳 Growth in China is slowing.

🍪 Munchy Memes

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