☕️ GM Munchers! My wife says I should focus on “long-term investments.” Joke’s on her—I’m already invested in this marriage, and the ROI is highly volatile.

On today’s menu:

• 🚨 Fed Watch: No Cuts, But the Market Wants Answers

• 🥇 Why Gold Just Made History

• 🐋 Bitcoin Whale Closes $521M Short

• 📉 Tesla’s Stock Keeps Crashing

• ✅ Nvidia Announces New AI Chips

MARKET OVERVIEW

🚨 Fed Watch: No Cuts, But the Market Wants Answers

Traders, get ready—Fed Chair Jerome Powell is stepping up to the mic today, and the market is on edge.

Will he give traders what they want (hints of rate cuts)?

Or will he play hardball and remind everyone that inflation is still lurking in the shadows?

Let’s break it down.

⏳ The Rate Cut Waiting Game

The Fed is set to hold rates steady at 4.25%-4.5%, which is exactly what the market expected. But here’s the real question: how many cuts (if any) are coming this year?

• The market is pricing in two to three cuts in 2025—but some economists are skeptical, saying we might only get one, or worse, have to wait until 2026.

• Powell has made it clear he’s in no rush to slash rates, and traders are starting to realize the Fed put isn’t what it used to be.

🔥 Trump’s Tariffs: The Wild Card

Just when the Fed thought it had inflation under control, Trump’s tariffs showed up like an uninvited guest at the party.

If these tariffs push inflation higher, the Fed could be forced to delay or even reduce the number of cuts.

• April 2nd is a key date—that’s when the White House releases a global review of the tariff situation.

• If Powell hints that tariffs could impact inflation, expect rate cut bets to shrink fast.

📉 What This Means for Traders

The stock market is hovering around correction territory, down 10% from recent highs, and traders are desperate for rate cut clarity.

• If Powell keeps the door open for multiple cuts, we could see a relief rally.

• If he sounds too hawkish, traders might start pricing in even fewer cuts—and stocks could take another hit.

So buckle up.

The Fed decision is at 2 PM ET, with Powell’s press conference right after.

Get your popcorn ready—this one’s gonna be a market mover

COMMODITIES

🥇 Why Gold Just Made History

Gold just hit a record-breaking $3,040 per ounce, and if you’re wondering why, the answer is simple: uncertainty, central banks, and the Fed.

With investors piling into the shiny metal like it’s the last lifeboat on the Titanic, let’s break down what’s driving gold’s historic rally.

🌎 Chaos = Gold’s Best Friend

When the world gets messy, gold shines. And right now, things are a disaster.

• Trump’s tariff war has investors sweating over economic stability.

• Russia-Ukraine & Middle East tensions are driving demand for safe-haven assets.

• Recession fears are creeping back, and traders want protection.

It’s the financial equivalent of “when in doubt, buy gold.”

🏦 Central Banks Are Hoarding

Governments aren’t just watching—they’re backing up the truck.

China, India, Poland, and other nations have been stockpiling gold to reduce reliance on the U.S. dollar.

And when central banks are loading up, they either know something we don’t… or they’re just stacking bling like a midlife crisis gone wild.

📉 The Fed’s Role in the Rally

The Federal Reserve isn’t expected to cut rates anytime soon, but markets still expect multiple cuts later this year. That’s bullish for gold.

Why?

Because gold doesn’t pay interest, so when rates drop, it becomes more attractive than bonds. Investors are front-running the move, stacking gold like it’s 2008 all over again.

🔥 Inflation: The Quiet Fuel

Inflation isn’t the main driver, but it’s still lurking in the background. 

With commodity prices rising and supply chain risks sticking around, investors see gold as an insurance policy.

It’s like buying an umbrella before the storm—you might not need it, but when the rain hits, you’ll be glad you have it.

🚀 What’s Next for Gold?

Some analysts think gold could hit $3,200 per ounce by the end of 2025. And with:

✔️ Central banks still buying
✔️ Geopolitical tensions high
✔️ Rate cuts likely on the horizon

…gold has plenty of reasons to keep climbing.

Moral of the story?

Gold isn’t just a relic of the past—it’s leading the pack in 2025.

P.S. Gold’s making history—why not trade it?

With Lark Funding, you can trade gold, stocks, and indices and keep up to 90% of profits.

Get funded today—10% off with code: MARCH10!

CRYPTO

🐋 Bitcoin Whale Closes $521M Short—Then Goes All In on a Meme Coin?!

Just when you think crypto can’t get any weirder, a trader who pulled off a $521 million Bitcoin short trade decided to take his winnings and go long on… Melania Trump’s meme coin.

Yep, that’s where we are now.

🚀 The Big Short (And Big Win)

A crypto whale placed a heavily leveraged short position on Bitcoin at $83,898, betting that BTC would drop.

With 40x leverage, the trade ballooned to over $521 million in value. If BTC had moved just 2% against them, the whole position would have been liquidated.

Instead, the whale nailed it.

BTC dipped to $82,295, and they pocketed $3.9 million in profit, closing 208 BTC worth of shorts.

💀 The Degen Army Tried to Stop Him

Crypto Twitter wasn’t about to let the whale walk away unscathed.

A group of traders, led by pseudonymous trader Cbbofe, attempted to pump Bitcoin with over $10 million just to force a liquidation.

But it was too little, too late—the whale cashed out.

🤑 Meme Coin Madness

Now, this is where things get truly unhinged.

Instead of taking his hard-earned winnings and buying a yacht (or at least some blue-chip alts), the whale aped into Melania Trump’s meme coin ($MELANIA).

Why? No one really knows.

Maybe they think the 2024 election rally will pump the coin.

Maybe it’s an elaborate joke.

Maybe they just really like Melania Trump.

Whatever the case, $4 million of their Bitcoin profits are now riding on one of the most absurd trades we’ve seen in a while.

📉 The Lesson?

The crypto market isn’t just about fundamentals or technicals—it’s about narratives, hype, and sometimes, pure degen behavior.

Whether this whale ends up printing even more or gets rugged, one thing’s for sure: crypto traders are built differently.

STOCKS

📉 Tesla’s In Trouble

Tesla’s stock is having a meltdown—and not the kind where your EV battery overheats.

Since December, shares have fallen $54, wiping out a staggering $800 billion in market value.

That’s almost an entire Meta or two Nvidias gone in the blink of an eye.

🔌 What’s Driving The Sell-Off?

1️⃣ China’s BYD Is Coming for Blood 

Chinese EV giant BYD just unveiled a charger that powers up an EV in five minutes, and they’re rolling out next-gen models next month. Meanwhile, Tesla’s still waiting for Chinese approval on its Full Self-Driving software.

2️⃣ Wall Street’s Turning Bearish 

Analysts at RBC Capital slashed Tesla’s price target from $440 to $320, citing growing skepticism over the company’s self-driving and robotaxi plans. Oppenheimer also cut its vehicle sales forecast by 30,000 fewer deliveries expected in 2025.

3️⃣ Tesla’s Falling Behind in Innovation 

BYD is reportedly integrating AI into its EV tech, while Tesla’s innovation pipeline is slowing. Investors aren’t thrilled.

🚨 Where Does Tesla Go From Here?

Tesla’s down more than 40% YTD and is on pace for its ninth straight week of losses.

If the stock keeps sliding toward the $200 level, it could get ugly fast.

For now, Musk is busy fighting Trump’s Department of Government Efficiency while Tesla investors are fighting to remember what a green day looks like.

P.S. Want to trade Tesla without risking your own capital? 🚀

With Lark Funding, you can trade over 100 stocks—including Tesla—using a funded account. That means zero personal risk and up to 90% profit splits.

Whether you’re shorting the dip or betting on a Musk comeback, don’t do it with your own money.

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🚀 Pre-Market Fuel

1. Nvidia announced new AI chips. Their stock was down over 3% yesterday.

2. A Tesla service centre was lit on fire in Las Vegas.

3. General Motors teams up with $NVDA ( ▼ 0.2% ) to help them build their self-driving fleet.

4. The astronauts that were stuck in space for nine months are finally home.

🍪 Munchy Memes

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